Magic Hag's Horror Hour
Much Like the Sadistic Hag entries, Magic Hag's Horror Hour is a compilation of the atrocities that Magic Hag has committed over the years. Ranging from sheer stupidity to pure cruelty, this compilation features some of the most unusual and horrible stories from Magic Hag. These stories, however, do not feature the Sadistic Hag. They only account for any actions deemed atrocious committed by Magic Hag in her natural form. All contributions are welcome. _____________________________________________________________________________________ * December 1, ???? BC - Magic Hag is born. Her mother abandons her and she is left to fend for herself. Some years after this event, Magic Hag (or Kotake) enters a forest and finds a witch who offers her one of any three potions that she has. Having come down with a fever, Kotake takes the blue one as it resembled medicine the most. What she didn't know, however, was that she drank the "sadistic" potion; an experimental potion created by the witch. Had Kotake drank the red potion she wouldn't have turned into a Hag. Once consumed, the blue potion will turn its consumer into a Hag. * December 8, ???? - One week after Kotake turns into a Hag. A growing obsession over the blue potions slowly begins to consume her, eventually forcing her to find the witch and steal her blue potion recipe. Magic Hag tracks down the witch and demands she give her the blue potion formula. After the witch refuses the Hag's demands, she attempts to flee from sight. However, she ends up forgetting about her magic broom that was next to her. Magic Hag uses this broom to fly and chase down the witch, eventually killing her and extracting the blue potion recipe from the depths of her mind. * January 2, ???? - After weeks of practicing the blue potion recipe, as well as the others she stole, Magic Hag perfects it. She travels to the local bank to request a loan to start a potion business. The bank, however, refuses, believing that potions are not in local demand and that the business will flop almost immediately. After being denied her loan, Magic Hag pulls out a gun on the clerk demanding that she get her loan or else she will kill herself. Not taking the "threat" seriously, the clerk calls Magic Hag's bluff and even asks her to shoot herself between the eyes. Magic Hag, being the idiot she is, shoots herself and seemingly commits suicide. However, an unknown benefit of drinking the blue potion is that it makes you immortal. After being shot, the Hag's wound heals almost instantaneously. Realizing that she's immortal, the Hag goes on a killing spree not fearing of being shot or attacked by others. She then blows up the bank and steals all the money that was secured in the bank vault. * January 20, ???? - Magic Hag finishes building her store and opens her business to the public. After realizing that she built her business in the middle of the desert rather than in the local swamp like she originally planned, Magic Hag goes on a rampage, destroying her business. She almost turns into Sadistic Hag. * February 21, 0123 - After building her shop in the right place, the Hag opens the door for her business. It quickly becomes a success and even becomes the local hotspot for the youth. * March 2, 0123 - Magic Hag notices a couple making out behind her shop where she keeps the trash (there are people who actually do this and it's incredibly gross) and demands that they leave her property. The couple denies the Hag's order and call her a thot virgin. This displeases the Hag so she returns to the couple with her broom and slices off the head of the boyfriend. She then shouts "KE KE KE!" and begins to piss on the boy's now-dead body. The girl screams and runs in fear. The Hag begins a pursuit on her broom towards the girl. The girl turns around and flips off the Hag, causing her to fly towards her at the speed of light (669,600,000 MPH). After colliding with the girl, it causes a tear in the fabric of the universe which causes a tiny black hole to emerge. The Hag observes this black hole and eventually masters the Singularity Technique, a process in which when colliding with anything made of matter that isn't blue, it causes one of three things: A black hole to emerge EXTREMELY RARE, The object/person is sent into the Singularity RARE, or an exceptional explosion (equivalent to that of a nuclear explosion) COMMON. * March 2, 0124 - Magic Hag perfects the Singularity Technique and tests it out on animals, people, and buildings. EVENTS BETWEEN THE PERIODS OF 0124 - 1090 ARE UNKNOWN AS ALL RECORDS OF THIS TIME PERIOD WERE EITHER UNRECORDED, ERASED, OR FABRICATED * April 2, 1096 - Magic Hag joins the Crusaders, appointed by Pope Urban II at the Council of Clermont in 1095. * October 15, 1099 - Magic Hag travels with the Crusaders to the village of Illankoya to liberate the Christians there from the oppression of Muslims. Magic Hag notices a blue stain on the side of a house and examines it. This is the first instance of "Color Confusion", a common disorder among hags making it difficult for them to differentiate what is a blue potion and what is not. Magic Hag mistakes the blue stain as part of the contents of a blue potion and flies into the stain, causing the world's first nuclear explosion, killing all of her allies and ending the first crusade. * October 18, 1099 - Pope Urban II commends the Hag's actions, believing that because she was the only survivor of the explosion she must have caused the most damage. The Pope appoints Magic Hag as second in command of the Crusaders. * February 3, 1145 - Magic Hag orders the Crusaders to attack the land of Yshtolkvatia, claiming that the threat of Islam has spread to that area. In reality, Magic Hag ordered this attack because she noticed that the people of that land often associated their culture with the color blue. * July 21, 1149 - The Second Crusade fails and results in an Islamic victory. The warriors begin to question the Hag's judgement and secretly plot a Ku to overthrow the Hag, believing that she may in fact be an agent of the Devil. * May 1, 1189 - Magic Hag orders yet another crusade to take place. After having executed the previous crusaders for suspicion of disloyalty, new ones replaced them. Having lived for so long, the crusaders questioned if the Hag was a demon. Having colluded together, they made a plot to pretend to invade wherever the Hag chose, during that time they would assemble a mass army to take down the Hag. * June 2, 1192 - The crusaders pretend to have returned from a 3 year long crusade, along them they brought the Seljuk Turks who agreed to fight against the Hag. After Magic Hag learns of their plan, she tries fleeing on her broom. Because guns hadn't been invented yet (they were around beforehand for some reason) there was no way they could fight her in the air. After this, the Hag left Europe and began life elsewhere. All Crusades taking place after this were self-led. __________________________________________________ * June 21, 1192 - Magic Hag strangles a fish for having a skin shade of blue. * June 23, 1192 - Magic Hag trips on a rock and goes into a coma. * May 21, 1751 - Magic Hag wakes from her nearly 600 year-long coma. * May 23, 1751 - Magic Hag travels to the colonies of the east coast of North America. There she witnesses conflict between the newly settled Americans and the British. * April 19, 1775 - Magic Hag attempts to learn how to use a firearm at Lexington and accidently fires a bullet. This results in a clash between Great Britain and the Province of Massachusetts Bay, inadvertently starting the American Revolution. * December 25, 1776 - Magic Hag scissors a Redcoat to death for accidentally sneezing too loud and scaring the hag. * December 26, 1776 - A surprise attack by George Washington and his army on the Hessians frightens the hag, causing her to fly her broom towards the Hessians, ending the battle.